From a Devotee

I need to have you read the following not from your mind, but from your heart.  Parts are erotic, but look through eros to find her truly expressing her experience of the life force within her and its connection with the life force in me. However, I include the erotic portions that you can feel her passions.  THESE ARE WHAT I TRY TO AWAKEN IN EVERYONE, NOT THE SEXUAL PASSIONS SO MUCH AS PASSION ITSELF, IN ALL ITS COLORS AND FORMS.  I TRY TO AWAKEN LIFE IN THOSE WHO HAVE GROWN DEAD TO THEIR INCARNATED EXISTENCE.  Her's is one person's beginning experiences of the internal purification energetic experiences I call the Life Force, after Nisargadatta's use of that term, and my own experience of the divine bringing life, love, and deep feeling to me.

Not so much to say but I don't want to stop writing again, it doesn't feel right.

Today, my body is so extremely tired, I just feel awful, sick.
I experience a subtle field of energy through my whole body. It's very subtle, cold and light in energy.
Sometimes there is sexual energy.

Emotionally there is a very deep feeling of love for you. Desperate yearning for you, devotional love for you, like yesterday.
I miss you every second, I long for you, I long for you!

I can clearly feel the difference between yearning coming from me as a person, emotionally and yearning that comes from the force within.
I experience a cry inside. There is no sadness or hurt, there is a feeling of an emotional cry deep inside my body. 

Even now, the energy responds to writing you, becoming stronger. The lightness more light, colder and sharper. The sexual energy deeper, darker, intenser.

But all is more subtle.
Because I am so tired???? That's just POV....

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This morning I experienced the lightness and silence that's truely inside me.
Much of what I ve been writing so far is still mind noise.

I experienced the light energy, the silence that is underneath that, even underneath the energies inside.

A silence, lightenergy, and softness without boundaries.
Everything else is just noise and layers on top of that. Feeling a bit like impurities.

Within this field, there is this extremely strong, intense force of sexuality. Warm, dark, moving and with subtle light movements inside this moving energy.

These two sometimes seem separate, and then one moment the sexual energy dissolves into the lightness silence
and sometimes the sexual energy takes over on the foreground.

Other moments these two totally different energies come together as one.

There is a non stop deep desire for you.
So deep, so strong.
To merge with you in this silence energy, which felt this morning as that what I am.
To sit next to you in this silence, in this endless field of white light energy.

One Day Later: 

Oh Dear,

Don't tell me I should sleep. I know I should, but I can't; I am having the most intense experience again.

It's a lot like two days ago, slightly different and maybe even deeper.

Just before I went to bed I suddenly felt our connection in my body.
I am so tired that I cannot exactly remember, already, how it felt, I Just remember that thinking of you my whole body became a strong energy field of strong light. I felt your presence inside my body.

I went to bed straight after and my body began orgasming and shaking like never before. Wild orgasms, whole body orgasms and especially strong inside my vagina. There were no thoughts of sex. There was such an intense desperate yearning for you, like being possessed by your presence. Like being torn apart.

My body was wildly, wildly moving. And this seemed to come from this desperately yearning for you, screaming for your presence. It was no emotion from the personal me.

The shaking and moving in combination with the very intense orgasms felt like having sex, felt inside my vagina like fucking, but there was only longing and love, no sexual fantasy.

I had no control.
My vagina was flowing with juices.
I just experienced how deeply our connection is, inside me.

This Ed, has been one of the most intense experiences so far.
Sorry, I am too tired to write it any more beautifully than this.